Stories
Real stories from real people - an honest look at Alpha.
Steve's Story
I was very much one of the lads and enjoyed going out, having a few beers, and playing football. I joined the Marines when I was sixteen and when I left, became a personal trainer. My parents divorced when I was ten and I went to live with my father and my youngest sister. My mother and father had quite a violent and unhealthy relationship, not the sort of environment for children to grow up in. That was probably why I was such an angry and ill-tempered child and young adult. My father met somebody else and remarried. I left home when I was sixteen and never went back. When I was twenty, my father died of leukaemia. Although things were hard, I always had a good relationship with my parents and I have happy memories of my childhood. When my mother was in her forties she became a Christian and worked as a missionary in Romania. This made religion believable to me and even though I wasn’t interested, I couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t real. I believed in everything that my mother did, so I knew there was something in it because of the dramatic effect it had on her life.
When I was in the Marines I was married with one daughter. One weekend, I came home to find that my wife had left me and the house had been emptied. I became a very bitter person. Then I met Sue. We got married in 2001 and had our daughter Alex, who is now two years old.
Sue and I had a terrible year last year. We’d been trying unsuccessfully for a second child for a long time. We had Alex, and that was fantastic but we desperately wanted another child. So when we found out that Sue was pregnant we were ecstatic. At twenty-four weeks into the pregnancy there were complications and we lost the baby. We were absolutely devastated. It got to the point where we started looking at life from a different angle. We were both earning money and spending lots of it on clothes and all the other things that our lives had become based around. It started to mean nothing; our hearts were filled with real pain and sorrow because all we wanted was another baby.
At work, my boss, Evelyn, had told me about Jonathan Aitken speaking at the launch of the first city wide Alpha course. Evelyn was involved in the Alpha course and had sponsored a table for a business lunch. Because we rarely got out of the office, it was nothing more than a good excuse to get out and have a nice lunch. Quite unexpectedly, I was totally overwhelmed by what Jonathan Aitken had to say. I had always been intrigued and fascinated with prisons. I’ve no idea why, because I’ve never been in one myself. But my heart has always gone out to people inside. Jonathan talked about how a lot of prisoners became touched and how they stopped swearing. I was absolutely overwhelmed. A couple of days later, we went on holiday and I just couldn’t get it out of my head. All I kept thinking was, ‘I need to forget this, it’s not me, and what will the lads think?’ But I just couldn’t. Something had touched my heart. I didn’t realise at the time that it was Jesus talking to me.
Evelyn left a message on my phone telling me when the next course dates were. For the first two weeks of the course we were on holiday. When we came back we got the cd’s from Evelyn and heard the first two talks before we went along, so that we were up to speed. We met our group leader James Wynn and I instantly saw an inner peace in him that I couldn’t see in most other people. I had always been a very aggressive and competitive person and the loss of our baby had made me feel angrier inside. I longed for the peace and calmness that James had and I realised then that there must be more to life than what I was getting.
There was always something that made me want to keep coming back each week. The talks were fascinating and the conversation was really interesting. I’m an all or nothing person, and very soon I became all and had lots of questions. Because I had witnessed what had happened to my mother, it was enough for me to jump straight in, feet first. I thought, ‘Okay, I can do this.’
The Holy Spirit day being on a Saturday was a major issue because I played football. I knew it was important and James had suggested praying about it. So I did, even though I didn’t really know how to pray then. The following week I told James I had made my decision. I said I’d prayed to God and he hadn’t answered, so he obviously didn’t want me to go. As soon as I’d said it, I felt uncomfortable. I battled with myself all week. If I’m honest, I always knew that I was going to go. It was how I was going to face saying that I wasn’t going to play football.
It was on the Holy Spirit day that I first met God. I was very keen to have an experience. I had heard about other people’s wonderful experiences so I thought, ‘Right okay, I believe, can I have some of that now?’ It was very emotional and deep and I started praying and crying. God really started to heal my heart over all that had happened.
I now feel like a totally different person. I know that I am on a road that’s taking me to a better place. God’s got so much work to do with me. The journey has already started; I do have more patience and I do have a softer heart. It’s taken longer than the Alpha course, but I now have a relationship with God. I pray all the time; in the car, all the way through the day, and when things are troubling me I talk to God, asking him for guidance.
I thought my relationship with Sue was good before, but it is so much better now. We talk to each other much more. Our shared belief in God has brought us much closer. I still see my friends and I think that is really important. They are not Christians, but I still go out and have a few beers. Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean that you have to stop having fun. I no longer feel alone. I have Jesus in my life in everything I do and I want my children to grow up surrounded by the Holy Spirit, following the teachings that will help us live life together in a loving and more compassionate way.
Steve, December 05
Steve and his family are members of Holy Trinity Combe Down, where they were recently baptised on Easter Sunday. He has since become involved in visiting prisoners at Shepton Mallet prison through the charity ‘Believe.’